🔗 Share this article

I have been close companions for more than 20 years, a person who's faced and conquered many hardships, and I respect her for that. But, she's constantly taken by surprise by people. Her partner left her, which came as an unexpected event. Many of her social circle drifted away then, as they were drawn to her husband. It shocked her. She made more effort to be my friend, and must have realised better the essence of true friendship.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

Throughout this period, quite a few of her friends have drifted apart leaving her sure why. The company she worked for became hostile, even though she was highly competent, her exit happened unaware of what had changed.

Current Dynamics

Lately, both of us stepped back from work and are seeing frequent meetups, yet I realize the part I play in the relationship is to listen. I open topics of conversation only for her to redirect them to what interests her. In terms of politics, she has firm beliefs. My effort is to suggest verifying facts and alternate views.

She is arranging a trip to a nation I have traveled to repeatedly even called home for some time. I attempted to offer personal experiences, however, my input met with resistance. She purely just desired validation of her decisions. I recently come back from 30 days in that place and she wants to catch up, however, I hesitate.

Weighing the Options

I am unwilling to act as a friend that walks away without explanation, however, I feel she'll truly understand the consequences of her actions on my confidence. At this point, I find myself in avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Ways Forward

It's possible to cut and run, however, that approach is seldom a smooth outcome that we desire. Yet having a direct talk with the goal of resolution takes courage and willingness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step is to state how things go in your conversations. It should be based on facts and basically what a recording device would replay. Step two is to tell her how it affects you emotionally. There should be no disagreement here. What you feel are valid, of course. Finally is to ask how the two of you will alter the pattern in your relationship."

Consider your friend holds perspectives, thus requiring you to be prepared to listen to her. An approach that works involves stating your friend:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to not say anything for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably effective for promoting mutual respect.

Key Takeaways

She may dismiss all you say, since certain individuals have a deep-seated story: they have a narrative of their life they cannot abandon since their identity relies on it and it's all familiar to them. This is difficult as there is no clear path in such cases, mere obstacles. However, she might at first react like this then consider on your words. And should a resolution isn't found a resolution, you'll have peace from having been honest with her.